I live while the whole world dies

Everyone has just one known lifetime. But what happens if we had more than one?

I would say my life has been relatively blessed and clean. I can't be more grateful. Perhaps for that reason, if I was granted a second life, I think I'd like to live it painful, tainted and ruined. I would plot my own tragic downfall by doing all the wrongs - just to know what's it like.

I would like to be that ten year old girl who was forced to sleep with older men and being wedded off at a tender age to feed her family. The one who chose to run away from home and never to be found again by the people she once knew. The one who had never knew what it was like to go to school and to have friends to share secrets and play girly dress ups with.

She could never bear to look into her own eyes in the mirror and she would starve and cut herself to feel beautiful. She would be the one who would seek solace through drug addiction, loitering at the ghettos, waiting to be offered by a passerby for a one night stand in return for some money so she could continue feeding that addiction that quells the pain. She would pray to god every night to unanswered prayers. She would end up bearing someone's child she doesn't know who it belongs to at eighteen and she would not be able to afford an abortion so she had to find ways to cause a miscarriage.

Eventually, she would take her own life away to end it all. Yet, her unfortunate death would not be known until one day, an unsuspecting someone found her corpse sprawled along the river. But her corpse was already decayed beyond recognition and no one would ever know who she really was or where she belonged.

On second thought, I think I shall take my words back. Let's just stick to one lifetime for now.