The year of changes

And with changes, come new experiences and hopefully, a better, wiser me. Here's a quick flashback of my 2009.

The breakup (January)
Shocking - that's probably the best word to describe it. It came as an abrupt end to an almost four year relationship. I was initially in denial and I couldn't explain exactly how or why it happened, but it just did. It ended there and then. I'm only glad the aftershock came as a wave of disappointment instead of depression or some psychotic shit. Single for nearly exactly a year now, it feels almost amazing to be in a relationship with no one but myself (Oh, and Joyce. But who will I be without you in Perth next year my dear wife?)

The departure (February)
The move to Perth was a much needed change of scenery and air for me. I wanted to break free from my mundane routine and to step away from this conservative and homogeneous society. All the pampering/princess treatment at home and spoon-fed education has left me feeling crippled - mentally crippled. I needed change, stimulation and independence. And I am pleased to say, I got exactly what I wanted. Those ten months in Perth have been nothing short of thrilling.

The switch (July)

Fuck, this isn't what I wanted - these were the exact words that ran through my mind after three semesters of Civil Engineering. I want sexy rocks and soil, not freaking structural analysis, and shit boring concrete and beams and trusses. Geomechanics, maybe you came a little too late for me.

So, Geology it is. It was a huge decision for me to make and announce. I'm glad I received the acceptance I wanted and I have not been happier since. Despite falling backwards to square one, I can at least safely say that I am able to see my dreams slowly unfolding ahead, of dreams to work in challenging environments, to explore uncharted realms, to be financially secure and to deepen my understanding and admiration for this delicate planet I heartily adore. I can see myself as a geologist.

The new me
With each passing year, it is like the exoskeleton an arthropod has shed and the layer of ring a tree has added. It about unfolding a new chapter and about growing up. And yes, I do sense difference in myself. I can't quite pinpoint it but I can feel the tingles of it. Good tingles that is :) I mean, even my blog looks different from twelve months ago.

Have a happy new year and Godspeed people! What's your new year's resolution? Lessons have taught me to not make any LOL :)

A tooth less

I finally bottled up enough courage to get one of my wisdom teeth (left bottom) removed early this morning. The whole time, since the eruption of my two bottom wisdom teeth two years ago, I was never too keen about inflicting excruciating pain to myself voluntarily. But I was also aware that eventually, something has to be done. I'm now left with a gaping hole in my mouth and I can still taste hints of blood. I actually had a look at the bleedy gap when the bleeding was controlled and I must say, it's pretty freaky haha.

It surprised me that the experience wasn't half as daunting as I expected it to be. I had no anxious jitters and the procedure itself took merely 2 minutes. The pain was no where near miserable or difficult, not even when the anaesthesia had worn off. I was already eating when I got home. The two hour wait at the government dental clinic got me pretty hungry by the end of it so I couldn't care (the wait was actually more painful). I had to eat as I much rather endure discomfort than hunger. My mum was impressed with how well I was doing but dad was freaking out I'd be in pain although I wasn't at all. All in all, I did myself proud. I feel like a man. Rowrrrr! :D

I think I kinda disappointed my friends with my lack of suffering. For that, I'm sorry. Hah. There's still my next appointment in February to anticipate. This time it's gonna be a surgical extraction to remove my other wisdom tooth (right) which is impacted. I might be in for some fun with that one :#

The other kind of time relativity

- Kampung Sapit, Kuching

A decade ago, I remember spending my long after-school afternoons wandering the neighbourhood on my own, searching for an unsuspecting stray kitty to bring home or sticking my arms through fences to pet my unsuspecting neighbours' dogs. My elder brother has just left home to be on the other side of the country for his tertiary studies. Self-entertainment was the only best option I had.

Whenever one of my cousins came by, we would patiently squat by the concrete drain just outside my then corner terrace house with a broom, bucket and dustpan at hand. Not to sweep the yard, but to 'sweep up' lil fishies that thrived in that muddy filth. They would soon become our pets for the next 2-4 months or so. Quite often, we'd have tadpoles, worms, snails and dragonfly larvae together in our little catch. A mini ecosystem that comes all in a scoop of drain water. How awesome! :D It was something I always looked forward to. Maybe that's where the whole fishing thing kicked in for me.

Sometimes on a breezy weekend afternoon, my cousins and I would be at my late maternal grandfather's place. We'd be rocking on an old face-to-face garden swing, chirping endless away about funny school stories, silly nightmares or made-up horror stories. My aunts would then bring us small delightful treats like a homemade cookie each or a glass of chilled grass jelly (cincau) and my granny would sneakily stick some 20-50 cents coins into our pockets - candy money - before we said our goodbyes.

On one fine day in the middle of August 1999, I became a very proud owner of a new puppy. Aww, finally, my own puppy! :) I can still remember just how absolutely delighted I was when I had him on my lap on the car ride home, cupped in my little hands. He was merely three weeks old, slightly frail and frightened. But he mixed in easily. What a mighty little one. My after school afternoons were spent differently now. I had a new companion, a new best friend. We would chase each other down around the neighbourhood or play hide-and-seek. He was like the little brother I never had (and still is).

Ten years down the road, things have certainly taken a shift. I am no longer that ten year old who prowls the neighbourhood for stray puppies and kittens, I no longer fish in the drains with my cousin, the large rusty swing is probably somewhere in the dumps and Booboo is no longer that bold agile puppy he once was. I am now a university student with two years to completion, my parents are reaching retirement age, my brother is almost hitting the 30s and Booboo is turning gray and passive. Everyone is growing up and growing old.

It's funny though. When you're younger, time seems to crawl by so slowly. But that speed notched up a little with every passing year. And you also kind of take it for granted that things and everyone around you would stay the way you last remember them to for always. A decade later, it disappoints me that it doesn't. In the midst of all these technological advancements we have today, I wish someone has devised a way to freeze time so I can keep those constants in my life, a constant.

Who are you subscribed to?

- Sematan Beach, Kuching

I am bored shitless tonight. In an attempt to prevent my neurons from disintegrating into nothingness, I decided to go through some old National Geographic magazines scattered around the corners in my house to offer my brain some interesting insights and visual excitement in hopes of keeping the boredom at bay for a little bit.

The few magazines I went through dated from 2006 to as recent as last month. They did a pretty decent job at keeping me entertained. So much so, this one particular issue got my thoughts all stirred up - The Big Thaw: Ice on the Run, Seas on The Rise (June 2007). Omg, the vivid portrayal of how climate change is happening at such a rapid pace is rather disturbing. Oh, the poor polar bears and seals. What would be of them when the Artic is gone? :(

It has left me with mixed-feelings, tangling up my thoughts and belief system. What should I believe in now? For quite a while now, my belief stands at this point: Eventually, we'll all have to go. Any effort or changes imposed will only serve as an eventual futile attempt to continue our existence. You'll have to understand this in a geological view point (Refer to the geological time scale - It will make you realise how small we humans really are). The earth and sun is estimated to die in 5 billion years time provided nothing astronomical destroys either one first. From its birth till death, the earth has and will experience numerous changes through its 10-billion year lifespan. The planet itself is not fragile, but the life it motherly nutures is. The earth will still continue revolving without our existence (or any other life form for that matter) and still be kept alive by its own activities like plate tectonic movements and volcanic eruptions. But there is also a thing called evolution and adaptation which allows life to quaintly work its way around changes to allow life to continue thriving on this planet even if it means in a foreign form.

Right now, as ice and glaciers continues to disappear, the earth is just heading into another interglacial period, just as how it has had thousands of years ago. Why should we be so alarmed by climate change then? It's just another natural cycle. But we are because it concerns and threatens us humans in so many ways. Our economy, daily livelihood, health/well being, food security and lands will all be transformed to ways unfamiliar to us. Poverty stricken and arid/semi-arid and coastal regions would be the ones affected most. Wars could be waged, blood could be spilled, economies could collapse, such are the dire possibilities if climate change persists and exacerbates. So eventually, we will all die. It's an inevitable fate, one that is quite a bitter pill to swallow.

But after flipping through the pages of that particular NatGeo mag, I feel that there is a stronger need for compassion. Something has to be done to slow climate change, at least for the benefit of ourselves and the generations to come as well as the other little creatures we cohabit this planet with. Even if a new life will reign over, any sort of loss is a tragic loss and I do not wish to live to see mass losses and sufferings. At this point, I do not think much can be salvaged though but not all is lost yet.

Fearless: imagine life without fear

Fearless: imagine life without fear - that's the title of this one book I bought fairly recently. To my dismay, it's all about Jesus and Christianity but thankfully, the title of the book itself is inspiring enough to allow me to keep it, otherwise, out the window it goes because the last thing I need is to be told how to live my life by a fictitious messiah. So, what would life be without fear? And the LG HDTV Live Borderless (spell check reckons it should be odourless haha :D) advert replays in my head - free, unrestrained, with nothing but possibilities. It speaks straight to my heart.

I've been eating like a machine lately, savouring and devouring every ounce of good food I can lay my mouth on LOL. Several months of Kuching and home-cooked food deprivation can quite certainly lead to some astonishing changes to one's diet and figure. And in this case, mine and it isn't for the better. For a large part of my life, weight issues have always been vicarious. I never thought it would hit me this soon and Dad reckons I'm not too far away from morphing into a piglet. This is clearly not something to be too proud of.

The sky-rocketing body mass does call for a cause for concern. Add another 3-4 kg, I'd be 10kg heavier than I was merely 3 years ago. On a 5'3" tall (or short, whichever tickles your fancy) body, a 10kg gain is like turning Timon into Pumba. As I look around me here, for the first time ever, in my mind, I'm bloodyhell seeing anorexics everywhere. God, all you skinny people, EAT or I shall declare an anorexia pandemic. But I know it's just me. I'm losing my magical Asian diet touch LOL."Yeah, you're a chunk of Australian pork chop now," that's all the Brother has got to say. I'm outpacing my metabolism and I should seriously, seriously hold back.

I was just thinking though, life is short. And seriously, why hold back when you don't exactly wish to? But I would risk a plummeting self-esteem, a closet of beautiful clothing made redundant, a lifelong list of diseases and health deteriorations before me, and an arsenal of boys once at my disposal gone. Consequences or fear? Fear of consequences maybe. But fear is an evolutionary product to act as a 'built-in safety feature' to keep us curious little things from harm. Maybe I should heed the warning.

But what if we could all just eat away, do whatever we want, without being conformed by fear and borders like social norms? As long as we have lived life to the fullest, finding ultimate happiness in ourselves within ourselves - an enriching, prosperous sort of life. Living life in self-confinement, or living the life, pushing the boundaries (no pun intended LOL)? Which would you rather? I think I'm embracing the latter.

One hermit shell for the junebug please

- Claremont Showgrounds for V-Festival, WA

I love people watching but the opposite is true when I'm back here in Kuching. The last thing I want to see is more people. I worry I am developing a fear (or I could say, a strong dislike) of being in large crowded areas in my own home city. The recent near death encounter with the exboyfriend is not being very helpful either.

In a small but moderately populated city like Kuching where things don't seem to get too exciting as the only entertainment is eating and shopping, you're bound (almost destinied) to bump into someone you know, don't quite know and do not like. Kuching city folks seem to have the tendency of flocking to all the popular dining areas and flooding every available shopping mall. The latter is very prominent when a huge sale is on or when a new cinema hits the town such as MBO at The Spring LOL. Picture Perth dwellers hitting up Northbridge on a Saturday night if you'd like a somewhat similar Western Australian scenario.

So yes, the potential of bumping into someone you know, don't quite know and do not like is remarkably high. While bumping into someone you know whom you happen to like and adore may be pretty sweet, bumping into someone you do not like would prove to be otherwise because you'd have to pretend you missed a glimpse of them or to try to avoid them so you wouldn't land into an awkward situation. I think it's worst when it comes to the don't-quite-know ones and annoyingly, that's where a larger group of people fall into. To say hi or to not say hi? To pretend you don't know (or to have forgotten them) or to not to? Hmmm.

I'm trying to avoid those popular hang out areas while I'm back here. I can't stress just how often I bump into people I know/don't quite know here. Not that it's that bad or overly annoying but sometimes, all I want is just to be out on my own and not give a shit about anyone or anything around me aside from whatever I feel is important for myself - such as food hunting or having a splendid time with my closest ones.

I'm so gonna go fishing tomorrow. Minimal possibility of getting into awkward social situations ftw :D

There's a knife on the floor

I encountered a rude awakening when I was out and about on my own earlier today. The exboyfriend is back in Kuching! [insert sound effect for imminent doom]. My chest tightened and insides churned. What the hell are you doing here?, I muttered under my own breath. Instantly and instinctively, I made a 180 degree turn to change my course of direction as soon as I caught a glimpse of that pale scrubby thick-lipped body. No way am I making another 10 metres towards his way. I think he must've seen me as well but I shall humbly apologise - I do not do confrontations. Or shall I say, the exboyfriend is not worth a confrontation.

While I don't give a flying fuck about the breakup, I admittedly still hold a lot of resentment towards him. The self-righteousness and hypocrisy (in other words, utter shit) that I had been subjected to is far too appalling to simply be forgotten. Imagine being labelled a pariah. You're better off without me. Perhaps out of the many things that the exboyfriend had said to me, that, I must say, made the best sense. Remind me to stay away from The Spring please. Kthxbai.

Something to remember by

My archive of photos on my laptop currently contains 21,950 files in 280 folders. That is indeed a lot of photographs for one who isn't a photographer by profession to store and to have taken. With the modern convenience of digital cameras, computers, and memory cards, what's there to lose really?

I for one can not live without my compact camera. I'll usually have one by my side whenever I'm out and about. You'll never know when it would come in handy. Hint: It makes an awesome 'scanner' LOL ie. when it comes to 'photocopying' notes/assignment answers off a mate or 'jolting down' important lecture notes/hints from whiteboards which your lecturer might erase moments later.

Before I had a camera, I remember seeing amazing things around me all the time. The surreal sunset by the beach, the solemnity of an old man sitting alone by the corner thinking deeply to himself, the rapturous happiness on everyone's face during family gatherings, the carefree joy of my dogs playing with each other in the yard, to name a few. They were all left uncaptured to be slowly forgotten through time. How could they be?

21,950 photos and counting from 2004 till today, believe it or not, each and everyone of them are held very dearly in my heart. They bear precious moments that would never be replayed and relived. They give me something to remember and reminisce all my life moments by. I also have a slight paranoia about memory loss. Not today, but in several decades time. Diseases like Alzheimer's could hit anyone when they are past their prime. Who would you be then, without a memory, without a history? Photographs would be your only identity back-up. I maintain this blog for the same purpose - to be my memory security and vault.

And whenever I take a look back at my old photographs, I am reminded of how glorious and fragile life is through all the wonderful times I have had.

The sunday market

The Sunday Market is quite possibly one of my favourite places to frequent in Kuching. Located at Satok, it boasts a wide variety of fruit and vegetables, meat, local delights, plants, pets and anything else you can name. Heaps to see and buy at oh so low prices. Traditionally, the market would open only on Sundays only hence the name but from as far as I can remember, it starts trading on Saturday afternoons until Sunday. The Fremantle Market is a serious disgrace in comparison to this :O

Take flight little bird

Driving has never felt this good. My inner wrath is rejuvenated and my soul is as free as a bird. And for now, I can tuck my Smartrider card safely away and not worry about AUD25 cab rides :)

Oh and I must say, driving at 80km/hr with one hand on the gear with the other on the steering while snapping away on the camera is pretty darn exhilarating. Such is the art of multi-tasking. Don't try this at home kids.

O hai neighbour

Meow?

I just realised how Kuching is actually rather ghetto - full of overgrown vines and weed, mouldy walls and pavements, repulsive stagnant drains, cracked sinking structures and annoying potholes everywhere. Can it get any worse? I can't blame Kuching for being like this though. It receives so much annual rainfall and a large part of it is situated on swampy grounds. But yes, I finally understand why West Malaysians still believe us East Malaysians live in jungles on tree tops amongst orang utans and wild boars LOL

I actually had a slight culture shock during my first couple days of being home. I must say, it is rather strange considering this is where I'm from. All the cars and people! Like OMG they're everywhere! Soooo many of them! It still shocks me a little during peak hour. But fret not, nothing scares the Junebug too much. I proudly braved the 5pm traffic at Jalan Tun Jugah yesterday. It was disgusting but I survived.

My fur babies <3

It feels great to be home and to be greeted by my three fur babies everyday again. They are the ones I think about most when I'm away.

In transit

I never thought how being an international student living abroad could be such a hassle. I was SO relieved when I got all my belongings packed away and stored safely at my friends' last night. It was almost like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Phewwww!

I'm currently in transit at the Kuala Lumpur Low Cost Carrier Terminal (LCCT) waiting to board my flight home to Kuching which could be any time from now. My flight from Perth to KL was a perfect one. It was just like an ideal laminar fluid flow - smooth and turbulent free. It was brilliant save I didn't get to have any sleep on it.. so as I type this, I've been awake for 27 hours and counting. It was still no where as daunting as my flight to Perth in February though which was so bad it prompted me to never wish to fly Airasia X again. Who would've thought 10 months down the road I'd be flying with them again.

Heh, apparently its 24 degrees Celsius in Kuala Lumpur now. Doesn't feel like the kind of 24C im so familiar with at all! Sooooo stuffy and humid. Ugh :/ Oh, and the LCCT is quite a freaky place to be at when you're a lone girl. Some Malay dude came up to me to ask for a phone charger to borrow because his was out of batt. Next thing I know, he was asking for my number :S

Ahh my heart is feeling sooo warm and fuzzy at the moment. I really can't wait to see my parents and to cuddle my dogs again. Dad was calling me up asking me what I'd like to have for dinner at home tonight. Looks like it's gonna be my favourite foochow noodles at Sarawak Club. Mmmmmm... :)

Oops gotta go x

T-minus 35 hours

The cat city is beckoning.

Oh happiness, why are you so short-lived?

- Bridgetown, WA

Fuck this shit. My sleeping hours for the past couple weeks have been so erratic. Apparently the flu tablets didn't work last night. The battle is once again lost. This particular week has been pretty bad. I have been unable to sleep till after 7am and even if I did get sleep, it was very fragmented. Um, can I haz tranquilliser gun for Christmas?