A never-ending bus ride

The amount of time I spend on public transit has increased by ten fold since I started working in the city. While I do long to have the convenience of a car, I don't regret choosing the bus over it. It has allowed me to meet new people, befriend bus drivers and view the world in a slightly different perspective in more ways than I can imagine. Here's a short collection of stories I have gathered from the last month.

---

A Korean lady is sitting just across me on the bus. Very lovely lady in red lipstick dressed in matching red. Seated beside her is an African man. 'Quite an interesting pair,' I thought for a brief moment before deciding to eavesdrop on their conversation. As I tune my ears to listen through bustles, I found myself completely mesmerised.

"I am almost thirty and I have been a school teacher in my home country," she explained. "One day, I decided to go sky-diving. I told myself, 'if I can do this, I can do anything I want in the world.' I was scared but I did it. It was only after that, I decided to travel the world because I am no longer afraid of anything. "

---

Toni. A 72-year old man from Malta with the most captivating grey blue eyes. The 15-minute wait together for our bus was most delightful. Toni has been in Australia for a few decades now with a nice family and has lived a seemingly good life. Three children and four grandchildren. They all adore him. How can anyone not? He asked if I was 15 and jumped to the thought when I told him I am actually 21. He couldn't believe me but I took delight to that. We had a good chat. He kindly gave me a few worthy advice. One of it is to make sure I live my life well. He claims to have been really good-looking when he was still in his prime and has had a somewhat playful past which he doesn't regret an inch of. The other advice, is to keep this photo of him with good care. I will oblige to both.

---

There is Muhammad, the tall, attractive and very stoned Somalian who speaks with an American twang. He claims to work as a translator from home and has spent most of his time growing up in Malaysia and Australia. I failed to grasp half of his gibberish. I did however, exploded in laughter when he openly expressed his fetish for Malaysian girls explaining his first love and first kiss was with a Malaysian girl. At the age of seven.

I left him high and dry with a quick goodbye when my bus pulled over in front of me. I hope he finds himself a nice Malaysian girl.

---

The 53-year old Mandurah bus driver from Montana. I blindly hopped onto to what I thought was the last bus to the train station. It was 9PM, my legs were still sore from seven hours of continuous walking from the day before and I wasn't too keen on walking 3km to the train station in an unfamiliar, bogan town unless I really had to. Mandurah sits 72km out of Perth city and I have only been there twice. Both rather briefly. To my demise, the bus terminated in the middle of fucking no where. I pleaded with the bus driver for several good minutes. He did a damn good job at playing along before blurting, 'Gees! Of course I can't leave you here!'

I started chatting with him by first commenting on his American accent. It does beg a really good question. What the hell is a middle-aged American doing driving a bus down in Mandurah? He had a long story to tell. Lucky enough, it was a long way to the train station. He started off by saying he's lived and backpacked all over the world before winding up in Perth for the last year or so. His journey began when he was still a teenager with only $200 and just enough money for a one-way ticket to Sydney. Since then, he went all over the world, juggling odd jobs, sleeping on the streets and backpacking his way through with the realisation of how easy it is to explore the world.

I hopped off the bus in deep awe but was secretly disappointed with our overly brief meeting.

---

The hunched man with the walking stick. Frail and weathered with courage to admire. He politely approached me to ask if I was catching the 99 bus. He quickly explained his eyesight is too poor to read the bus number from the distance. I regrettably told him I wasn't but I managed to get a lovely Asian girl who I have seen a few times and knew was catching the same bus as he to assist him.

I sympathise greatly for him while admiring his courage. I wonder if I could do what he does at his age and state. I spent the next few days questioning about old age. How old would I ideally like to live up to? How much loss in physical ability could I bear before deciding I'd rather die than struggle for every breath of air?

---

He came running after the bus and merely caught it. I was sitting in the far end, watching and observing people as I normally would. He's young, tall and aboriginal looking and was frantically digging his wallet and pockets for change to pay for the ride. The bus driver shook his head and I gathered the guy didn't have enough money. He seemed rather annoyed before deciding to get off the bus.

The bus watched in silence and I regret not speaking up to offer to help. I have been approached by numerous people on the streets for bus/train money. I have always been generous until I realised half of them are pretty damn insincere about it. Yet at this moment where I could've saved someone some grief, I didn't do anything about it. Fuck me.

---

The man in black with a shroud of mystery. The one I am drawn to yet know nothing of. We shared a brief, silent connection. The Red CAT was taking an awfully long time to arrive because the cricket test game and Christmas shopping rush was holding the traffic up. My mental calculations told me it would be faster to just walk. The young and slender man in black must have shared my thought. For the next several minutes, I was tailing him. Completely unintentionally yet almost intentional. It came across as rather bizarre as the path is a tad-off beat and I have never ghosted someone through such a distance.

From Stop #26, through the courtyard of beautiful old buildings, through a lush green field, through the Parliament building, and then downhill, over a traffic light, through a bridge until another traffic light where our paths finally diverged. It was just the two of us the whole time. I wish I knew at least his name or who he was. I guess mystery shall prevail. I suppose if I'm lucky enough, I might see him again but I probably would't have a clue.

Pause

Even the elephant gets tired.

I'd love to be blanketed in ignorance. Ignorance is, after all, bliss. But sometimes, a blanket can be too warm for comfort.

Inhibitions out - mind in

Sweet nectar of freedom. I savour it so pleasantly with every stroke of the brush. Each and every one is a courageous feat that reminds me to never be afraid.

Eye will give you closure

Two hours of sheer boredom in the lecture hall, and this was where I got driven to.

[Disclaimer: Can be strongly lame]

Boo! Eye see you

Eye rip my heart out for you

Eye will shine light in the darkest of days and Mr. Gecko will eye you from the corner.

Eye will set you free

Eye will take you away

Excuse me while my brain implodes

Something tells me I shouldn't be reading ten different abstracts on complex geology crap simultaneously...

The timing is never right

For all of the most important things, the timing always sucks. Waiting for a good time to quit your job? The stars will never align and the traffic lights of life will never be all green at the same time. The universe doesn't conspire against you, but it doesn't go out of its way to line up all the pins either. Conditions are never perfect. 'Someday' is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you. If it's important to you and you want to do it 'eventually', just do it and correct course along the way.

If it isn't going to devastate those around you, try it and then justify it. People deny things on an emotional basis that they can learn to accept after the fact. If the damage is moderate or in a way reversible, don't give people a chance to say no. Most people are fast to stop you before you get started but hesitant to get in the way if you're moving.

- Timothy Ferriss; The 4-Hour Workweek

Thought herding

1. My thoughts are currently like a bundle of helium balloons let loose into the sky. Like atoms straying in random directions. All away from my head, away from the intention. Does anyone really know what happens to them balloons anyway?

2. Focus, dammit. What's wrong with the optics in my brain.

3. Always hoping for the best, always expecting the worst. Am I a fool for always assuming disappointment?

4. I slipped into another sink hole. Thankfully, not a deep one that I can't crawl out of.

5. Writing a full field geology report is, by far, one of the most challenging reports faced.

Strings

There are certain things that you can never quite let go regardless of how hard you try. I have been away from home for this long and I still occasionally find myself missing my dogs and my family utterly dearly.

Debate: This house believes that religion is a force for good
75% of you disagreed

This completely makes my day.

For the better

This heart can't keep breaking. I am far too hopeless for love. I shall isolate myself from it.

It will be for the better.

Food for thought

I spend far too much time deciding what to eat. There's too much decision making and planning involved. Knowing what to prepare is one thing. Having the essential ingredients and knowing exactly what to get from the groceries is another.

I caught myself wondering today - what would it be like if humans could abandon the need for food. I've pondered about the needlessness of sleep, religion and imbeciles. But food! Holy shit. The answers that came gushing in were shocking. I dare say, the world would be an unspeakably different and better place if humans stopped eating.

Far less suffering
1. Most obviously, famine will cease to exist amongst the poverty stricken. This means people, notably children, will not suffer from malnutrition and brain and physical growth impairment. They will also be more tolerant to diseases such as HIV and tuberculosis. The phrase 'feed the family' will perhaps bear a different meaning. Children will not be pushed to the streets to beg and far fewer people will be subjected to exploitation. Poor regions of the world can finally focus on building their nations.

2. Parents will not need to put up with the unholy shriek of a hungry child.

3. Victims of whatever catastrophe or abuse or neglect will stand a better chance of survival by not dying from hunger.

4. I will not be humiliated by the vending machine when I am hungry and trapped in the computer or microscope lab at 2.30 AM. I will hereby become more productive because I will no longer be distracted by stomach rumbles and the constant urge to munch.

5. Fewer angry people. Too many people get angry, impatient and cranky when food deprived.

6. No dishes! Fuck yeah.

Environmentally sound
1. Millions of kilometre squares of land will be spared of agricultural and industrial growth. Precious lands will also be spared from desertification - a looming crisis due to decades of land mismanagement.

2. Energy and resource consumption could be almost halved. Food production encompasses a giant spectrum - agriculture, processing, packaging, logistics, and marketing. Just think of the resources and energy that can be saved from disposing food consumption. Global warming? What global warming? Water crisis? What crisis?

3. The hippies will leave us alone and the Chinese will finally stop gobbling the world up. Yay to the animals!

Shake that ass
1. Everyone will be of average size or however their genetics choose to define. But I'd like to imagine everyone to be sexy, healthy and toned. Obesity and anorexia free.

2. Restaurants will be replaced by secondhand bookshops and quirky artsy shops that I can spend all day in.

3. Lots and lots of money saved! ---> travel-the-world fund.

4. Who needs a kitchen anymore? More space in the house! What shall we turn it into? A library? An indoor garden? Or perhaps a dancefloor?

Now that's what I call ecotourism

'How would we know life exists on a planet if it's dominated by microorganisms?' I expressed my ponder aloud to my housemate who was lazing on a tiny patch of weed as we basked under the morning sun in our little backyard.

'I think the atmosphere will be different or something if they exist,' he replied.

'Probably. Hmm. I think the algal bloom caused a sudden increase in oxygen concentration in the atmosphere and that lead to a mass extinction.'

'And came the megafaunas.'

'What happens if we discover a planet full of dinosaurs?'

'Turn it into a theme park'

'What a magnificent idea!'

We exchanged an approving nod and the conversation took off to other dimensions - retractable penises, wet willies, gay relationships and teleportation.

Please stop bleeding

This little heart of mine needs to be coagulated.

To my fairweather friend

I have been thinking of you and I think, you can go fuck yourself.

Dear geologist: question of the day

Q: I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no fucking way paper can beat rock.

This is immensely troubling and I have been losing sleep over this. Please help.

Confused One xxx

A: Dear Confused One, don't fret for I have the answer.

As you can see, a rock is like a muscular man. Tough on the outside, soft on the inside. Wrapping paper around a rock frightens it as it loses its sight and becomes completely defenceless. A frightened rock is subjected to stress/pressure. The minerals in the rock then become unstable and start breaking down. In other words, the stress induced causes the distressed rock to disintegrate and die. This is not visible to the naked human eye for it is a slow process that occurs through the geologic time scale. Also, like a man, the rock prefers to whimper in silence. Unfortunately, this causes misunderstanding and confusion.

I hope this helps. Have a good day.

The Geologist x

Good things come to those who wait

And persevere.

Detour

My heart spills like milk on the ground and I am fazed. But what use is there to cry over spilled milk, I ask myself as I allow a tide of disappointment to sweep over me. What use is there to dwell in such drowning agony.

I tell myself it was all just a dream. Like an off-track detour that circles back to point nought. Just a hazy overinflated dream with exponentiated hopes. The twinkling green in those eyes, they were just a dream. The little tokens of admiration exchanged, they were just a dream. My naivety for believing it could've been so much more, it was just a dream.

Just a dream, just a detour. A dream robbed away as swiftly as the first mental blink of wakefulness, bringing me back to point nought where the circle turns tangential to be the straight line it was before. Loss and exponentiated hopes will somehow find a way to cancel each other to return me to the relative nothingness it began with.

Oh solacing oblivion, what would I be without you?

Where did I go wrong?

I believe in physics

I am drifting on a sinusoidal curve. Floating up and down. Down and up. Give me some pi neighbour. My thoughts spin about my cerebral cortex. So rapidly it has a centrifugal force and a fat inertia.

On a stress vs. strain plot, we sit on the in-between point. In between elastic and plastic deformation but the point of fracture is more concerning.

I wish computer programs are brittle so you can crack them like submersing cold glass in boiling water. Like, you know, 99.5% foolproof. Damn you Adobe.

Push me

Someone should invent brain switches.

ON-OFF
Stay awake/sleep
Work/unwind
Eat/fast
Focus/daydream
Think random unnecessary thoughts/think only good optimistic thoughts


Life would be so delightful.

Random is underrated

1. I want to be on a rocket. Travelling at the speed of light. Darting through fluffy white clouds. All the way into space. Into infinity and beyond. You might never see me again. And I will befriend aliens, astronauts and fairies.

Uh, Huston, we have a problem. The cylinder tanks are out of oxygen. In this anaerobic condition, I will hallucinate my way into the dark.


2. 'Am I overthinking?' I ask myself. 'Am I overthinking?' I ask myself again. And again. And again. And again. It is then I realise the act of questioning my overthinking itself is an act of overthinking.


3. God is an aircraft pilot. He sits on the captain's seat dressed in glistening white, flies on autopilot and watches everyone from 35,000 ft above sea level. God is watching you somewhere.

If you pray hard enough, God might take you to paradise in his giant aircraft.


4. In the unlikely event of an emergency, rip heart out to disconnect all nerves.

0.1 x 10^7

A million questions swimming in the back of my head. A million answers short.

Like sand slipping through my fingers

That's what it feels like.

An insomniac's road to recovery

in·som·ni·ac [ɪnˈsɒmnɪˌæk]
n. One who suffers from sleeplessness.

I believe the said noun is no longer fit for me. The battle ended months ago and negotiations have finally reached a high common ground. It's all about peace keeping now. Insurgent outbreaks can still occur though.

Finding the bright spot

I have been reading this brilliant book titled Switch by the Heath brothers. It has made me realise that it's not always about pinpointing and fixing faults. Sometimes, it's all about finding what works, what's right. It's about focusing on strengths, finding the bright spot and following it.

When the going gets tough

That's right, the tough gets multi-tasking.

Space probe

Sometimes, I wish it's easier to read someone else's mind.

Sometimes, all you need to do is pick that damn phone up and dial the numbers.

Sometimes, it's better to just walk away than to try fighting.

Sometimes, you need to know my points aren't interconnected.

Sometimes, you shouldn't even care from the start.

Inspiration bloom

With every clump of shit thrown at you, you'll be surprised by what you can actually gain. You know, its like turning shit into fertiliser.

I'm experiencing this ridiculous spurt of inspiration. Credit shall be given to my new place, my in-between place and my old place. Let's start with the old. I got kicked out over the most absurd reasons with an oh so wonderful seven days notice. Needless to say, I was shitting myself. Where should I move to? Who should I live with? Who's going to help me move? How am I going to move all my shit out when I have a hell busy arrangement? At the same time, I knew I had little to lose and in fact, with a whole lot more to gain. I had actually thought of moving out for a long time but I had been too contented to bother. This was my push. I moved out by the end of my seven day notice.

With the help of my dear buddy, I managed to bunk for free at a lecturer's in return for house and cat sitting until I found somewhere new. I collected a few inspirations in this little in-between. The pantry is filled with a wide range of spices, tea and health foods, the garden is flourishing with lovely greens and the bookshelves are filled with all sorts of reads. I grew to adore them so much, I decided I should carry them with me to my new place, with a personalised twist of course.

A few weeks on, I discover myself in this new place. It's not perfect but it does provide me a fresh channel to work my charm. The better sense of permanence and comfort makes me want to turn this place as amazing as I can. I want to be able to call it home (without the sneer).

Behold my latest list of things-I-NEED-to-do:

1. Bake/cook more treats. I'm thinking of banana walnut muffins, mud cakes, chocolate fudge, pancakes, etc etc. Without straying too far into the unhealthy realm I hope. All the baking and cooking utensils my new housemates own are allowing me to experiment further in the kitchen. In return, they have the honour of being my food taster.

2. Start my little veggie patch. I want to grow my own chilli, herbs, tomatoes and whatever else I'll suddenly fancy. I don't know how green my hands are but I'll give it a go. Besides, all the conservation volunteering work seems to be giving me a confidence boost in my non-existent gardening department.

3. Get artsy. I am suddenly inspired to do watercolour painting. I've always thought of myself as incapable of colouring but I'll see if I can change that because it's only half as fun to be able to sketch but not colour. Those bland walls definitely need a bit of life.

(I'm also certain the ability to draw and colour will benefit me very well in geology. I keep reinstating that all geology students be made to do some artsy drawing unit in first year. For the amount of painful drawing/sketching we need to do, I'm surprised no one has thought of this.)

5. Build my growing library. I don't have to worry about moving for hopefully a long time to come so this is finally possible. I have a really nice collection of books from my teens back home and I'd love to be able to compare between the two to sort of remind myself how much I've grown. It'll make me feel really nerdy too 8-)

6. This has nothing to do this with the new place but, I NEED to prowl Perth City and manually harass mining companies for a vacation job. I am almost desperate for an awesome job over the summer. I mean, I am not going to let my ass to rot by bumming it away in Kuching when I can do better things with it.

7. Put my other things I need to do in queue. Too many things, too little time. Bah. This will do for now.

With little to care

The cold air of my new bedroom is punctuated by the rich drifting aroma of burning candles and hot apple cinnamon tea. There is something so tranquil and pacifying about this. The stimulating gush in my sensory system sweeps the ink stains in my mind away and leaves behind a blank canvas. A fresh, blank canvas waiting to be filled with something new and lovely.. lest a clumsy stroke mars it.

For now, I'll remain joyfully sedated.

The pot is just as black

I was just catching up with some Malaysian news via thestar.com.my today and this particular poll caught my attention:

How fucking appalling. I shall repeat myself. How motherfucking appalling. God damn third world mentality. What the hell is wrong with you people who voted yes.

I'll assume it's about a mother cruelly leaving her unwanted child to starve and rot away at some dumpster or dodgy public toilet. Seems like that's what hitting the Malaysian headlines a lot lately.

1. No parent in their right mind will abandon their little jewel unless there is a reason that clamours so direly. I suspect most would have been due to shame and the possibility of social stigmatisation, say an out of wedlock/teenage parenthood. Second possibility would be financial burden. Or perhaps, the lack of readiness for the embrace of a new child.

2. Imposing a death penalty will not counter the problem. The fear of death alone will not deter people from crossing barred lines because the human body is highly capable of crossing limits when it becomes compelled enough. It's about providing options - abortion, adoption, awareness, support, counselling etc. It's about preventing the terrible act from happening in the first place.

3. Putting one on the death roll does not make one any higher than the one who has just taken the life of another away. You are just as low and murderous. The only exception would be if the person is an obvious psychopath like one with a tendency for incestual rape and murder or something filthy along that line.

I am sure most are just normal people who have unfortunately been pushed a little too far off the edge because they weren't granted the options or are a subject to stigma. They should be tried but death sentence, oh no no no. I can't fathom the absurdity of sentencing one to death when the problem is actually avoidable.

In a game of tug-of-war

Who shall be named winner?

The heart? Or the mind?

Age lines

Holy shit. I need to get in touch with my quirky side again before it's forever lost. I have been so caught up with all the bullish mental and emotional intensity, I am losing this once familiar side of me. I have grown so serious, inhibited and boring, it's scaring the shit out of me. What an ugly awakening. Excuse me, what happened to my alter ego? And how old am I again? 21. Yes, 21. Not fucking 81.

Run along now age. Keep running so I can't keep up with you.

A proportional relationship

Things get a whole lot more exciting when you get experimental. Fact.

A 17th August update

1. Happy perthitic tiger is prancing happily. Most contagious happiness ever! <3 Some think I'm crazy but I thank Geology for being the string that stitches my fragmented mind together. My much needed constant.

2. I think my life is sitting on two extreme ends of a continuum - a crazy mash of heaven and hell. Where can I buy some moderation?

3. Note to self: Stay away from mocha (and certainly coffee) - including mocha flavoured bubble tea. The anxiety jitter is fucking raping my head inside out. I'd almost rather be dead.

Engaging the autopilot

On some days, it's necessary to detach the body from the mind and the mind from the heart.

To prevent clotting and the likelihood of death.

Dreams aren't made of this

Near death experience. Heartache. Loss. Death. And, missed flights.

I get taunted by the strangest dreams in my sleep. It has reached the point where I have learnt to brush them all aside as a yet another funky dream and I have given up trying to make sense of them. What strikes me is, I never used to get such odd dreams until the recent years. Since then, I was constantly craving for an explanation. I worried my sanity was under threat. The eventual derived hypothesis seems fairly sound - my brain is still normal except now, has acquired a hypersensitive edge. I figured I did not go crazy but have just somehow become more aware and better at remembering dreams. I don't know how odd this is, but, I usually retain some level of consciousness when dreaming. I once dreamt about myself dreaming a funny dream and actually knowing all that was just a dream (?!).

Reoccurring dreams I kind of understand
1. Of running late. When I was in school, I used to dream about missing my school bus courtesy of my untimeliness. They have now evolved to missing planes/being denied boarding. I have never really ran into any of the said situations. And I certainly don't wish to considering how problematic a missed flight could be.

2. Having the boy I am most captivated by signalling his loss/lack of interest in me. I guess this echoes with my history of unsuccessful crushes and relationships where my self-esteem can become my point of weakness. So, nothing too shocking although I can wake up feeling like I just had my heart bulldozed.

3. Losses. One morning I woke up with an angst that took forever to wear off. I dreamt my dad gave Honey (my GSD) away without my consent. Another time I woke up crying and I did not stop until I literally ran out of tears to shed after dreaming about suddenly losing a close family member. I do have an underlying fear of losing my loved ones so again, disturbing but nothing too extraordinary.


Reoccurring dreams I don't understand
1. My death (in multiple versions). I suppose death presents an innate fear among us all although I never consider myself fearful of my own death. So technically, I shouldn't even be getting these dreams. Maybe they have some other obscure or less obvious meaning but it wouldn't make much sense if I cannot make anything out of them anyway. Perhaps someone could enlighten me?

v1.0: I was hunted by a hitman who'd stalk me after school with a sniper. It was kind of like hide-and-seek with a fucking scary twist.
v2.0: Someone was about to rape and murder me while I was taking a shower after a swim (?!). Thankfully it never got to the gory details.
v3.0: I got shot in the chest by a stranger who somehow had a grudge on me. I woke up with the sharpest pain in my chest wondering if this was how people die in their sleep. And the following thoughts were, "Wow, I'm dying in my sleep knowing what's it like... but no one else would ever know. What a tragic way to die! But wtf, what other choice have I got?". The pain eventually wore away and I am so.fucking.glad I survived that.
v4.0: I was involved in a devastating train accident that killed everyone. I was among the dead but somehow was still alive unscathed - with an awesome near-death experience story to tell everyone LOL. "OMG, did you know I was supposed to be dead??!!"

Dreams of death are, without a doubt, disturbing. So, for a little bit of optimism, at least I know what's it like to die in various ways without actually dying. It's not like you get the chance to experience multiple deaths all the time right? ...right?

2. Having parties or just random dreams that aren't worth remembering involving friends I do not keep in regular contact with. They are mostly of people I somewhat know who bear little significance in my life. Hello, could I at least dream about partying and hanging out with friends I love instead of a bunch of people I never talk to?


Latest funkiness
A while ago, just some time before I got kicked out of student residence, I had a dream of my ex-housemate, Joyce a.k.a best-buddy-in-Perth-till-bitch-ditched-me, made a surprising unannounced return to Perth. We were suddenly housemates once again! I was thrilled and ecstatic beyond words.. only to later wake up feeling shitty knowing it was nothing more than an overinflated dream. Oh well. Back to my broken heart.

I caught up with my (newly ex-)housemates several days back. What's really uncanny is, the girl taking over my room is called Joyce! I was like, holy shit, are you for real?! Also from Malaysia but unfortunately, not the Joyce I was expecting. Still a pretty outrageous coincidence though.

The selfish altruism

I have devoted a nice slice of my holiday to do some volunteer work. Before long, I found myself questioning my move. Why the fuck am I doing this for free when people elsewhere are getting paid $20/hour to work? And that leads to my sincerity being questioned. Exactly how sincere am I with this? After some thought, still pretty sincere but not entirely.

I have learnt that we are all driven by incentives after having read Freakonomics. True enough, it applies to our every act and decision. So, in brutal honesty, I did not decide to volunteer because I just thought it would be nice to perform some sort of act out of absolute virtue but more so, it provides me with incentives. It keeps me active, it expands my social circle and knowledge, it breaks my routine, it polishes my curriculum vitae, it adds something new to my life. Furthermore, it makes me feel (incredibly) good to think I'm making little positive changes to the world (ie. the community, environment, or whatever cause I decide to volunteer for) and that I've sort of brightened someone else's day by doing them some sort of minute but helpful/kind enough favour. It's almost like a mini spiritual satisfaction. Or at least that's what I'd like to think.

Take away the incentives, I do not think I, or anyone else really, would bother with volunteer work. It's a horrible thing to admit. Therefore, I shall counter that with a quick justification. Even in the absence of true sincerity, some altruism is still better than none. End of discussion.

Metamorphectives: a perspective transformation

1. I have a childhood liking for cats but never till today had I the chance to keep one. After being presented the opportunity to kitty-sit two cats for three weeks, I learnt I'm not a cat person after all. I don't hate them but I'm not particularly fond of them either. They're cute but they need to watch that attitude. Must I mention, they produce the most rancid body waste ever. Dogs > cats any day.

2. Two things that a girly Asian girl like me would deem highly displeasing would be (a.) a tan and (b.) bruises/scars. Think ivory white porcelain skin. That outlook has taken a, shall I say, western twist. I have always wondered why Asians do not favour darker skin and the answer that came to me was, darker skin indicates a poorer socioeconomic background. It makes perfect sense but over the years and decades, that gap has levelled out fairly well. Therefore, in this modern context, makes little sense. What does make sense to me now is (a.) a tan and (b.) bruises/scars, both tell me that I have lived life. They scream outdoors, fun, splendour and experience. I currently have a series of bruises on my leg (imagine the Hawaiian volcanic chain) and a radiating tan, perhaps not the best look for some, but I cannot imagine myself without them.

Which leads me to think scars and bruises aren't really that bad. I'm not afraid of them any more. After all, they fade with time. Everyone of them reminds me I've experienced and learnt something (new or not). Not that I'll intentionally go cut myself with a knife, but you get my point.

3. A healthy dose of pessimism could be essential. It allows you to go, "Wow, it's not so bad after all." Immediately, it sheds some light, happiness and optimism. I was totally dreading the new semester. Guess what, it's not half as bad as I thought. It actually feels good to exercise my curiosity and reconnect myself with my rocks. Ironically, the unit I looked forward to most turns out to be the one I dread most (Geophysics in Mineral Exploration) and vice versa (Igneous/Metamorphic Petrology). I should have not set such great expectations perhaps.

The next couple months should roll sweetly despite my initial pessimism.

4. Public transit can be utterly shitty but it has allowed me to do all the reading I intend. The wait and the 30-minute ride suddenly becomes dauntless. It did, however, take me a while to train myself to read in the swaying vehicle. All is well, if not, better.

Minimalism

My brain is so overly saturated with everything, my thoughts have momentarily lost its ability to flow freely. Highly viscous brain juice = sluggish thoughts.

I am stumped that my semester break has come to an end. Hello July, did you just walk past me? On the up side, it ended on a (very) high note. I have had some great experiences that would stick with me for a long time to come. The ride did get a little bumpy but I remind myself that not all roads are perfect tarmac roads and before roads become perfect tarmac roads, they usually start off as some sort of awkward unpaved shit you'd avoid driving on.

So, aside from learning to suck up to bullshit without letting my respiratory system drown in all that crap and stench, I have also learnt to be a minimalist. Having to switch accommodation twice and be away constantly with a tight baggage constraint, it really helps to optimise this concept. It's about fundamental essentials - have only what you really need, the rest is optional. It has made me realise just how crazy our consumption is considering the tiny beings we are.

Glad to say, this has immensely curbed my horrifying binge shopping problem which I have been fighting over myself for the past many months. I have not made any impulsive purchase for an entire month now. I already own way, way, way too much stuff - to the extent where I could give away 2/3 of my belongings and not notice the loss. So, from the looks of it, I think it will stay this way for a good while. I have been telling myself to buy only what I need and not what I want. June - 1, M.A.C/Ebay/junk - 0. Hooray!

(I am also seeing a change in my finances. I spent a ridiculous amount on alcohol and parties last year. I then diverted my spendings to material goods after realising how worthless excessive alcohol consumption is. Now, it's on random mini holidays. Even better!)

The second shift comes in diet. I am now eating only as much as I need to stay full and I am starting to avoid meat in favour of local and in-season green produce and also foods with minimal processing and transport. It's better for my wallet, the environment and my figure - enough said. Third shift: Once upon a time, I painted thoughts of owning a beach front mansion, living life the lavish, extravagant way. I don't want that any more. So much so it has lost all sense to me. What I want now is a small little house just big enough for me (or possibly my family) and a cute little fuel-efficient car. I want simplicity and practicality. And really, that is all we need. Minimal consumption = greater efficiency = less wastage = improved well-being.

What about tomorrow?

What the future holds can be scary. It's all about probabilities and uncertainties. It's the you'll-never-knows. I dream, I hope. I wish for the best. But I still get frightened sometimes.

Life lesson #1

Learn to suck up to the bullshit life throws at you.

For example, if life throws you a lemon. What do you do?
a. Let the lemon hit you straight in the face. Ouch! Tough luck
b. Dodge and watch the lemon squash and splatter as it hits the ground. Sigh in relief that it's missed you this time.
c. Catch it and turn it into a lemonade. Why not make the best of it hey?
d. Suck on it. The utter sourness will scrunch your face up. How unpleasant. But you know it'll go away after a while.

I will go for C but if possible, B. Unfortunately, you don't always have such generous options. It'll usually hit you in the face. Unsurprisingly, it's when you least expect it. C'est la vie, I tell myself. It's 50% beautiful, 50% ugly.

50% beautiful. 50% ugly.

Lost transmission

Please try again later.

My brain gym

Treadmill: where thoughts go freestyle
1. In the car either with my hands on steering wheels or face against the windscreen on the passenger seat. Cruise speed of 70-100 km/h is most ideal.

2. On my 10-15 minutes walk to and fro lectures through the oval and carpark. It makes the boring walk so much more interesting.

3. In the steamy hot shower as long as I'm not guilt-stricken about water wastage and depleting aquifers.

4. On the train when I'm not busy perving on people or when my sights aren't overwhelmed by something visually offensive such as a fashion disasterina flashing a fat dangling arse crack.


Bench: where thoughts get pressed
1. The Abacus lab or the library during odd hours of the day. Generally only when there's a sharp deadline to meet.

2. My bed with my head rested on my pillow. Wrong thoughts would result in insomnia. Right thoughts, on the other hand, would lead straight to candyland.


Couch: where thoughts turn into potatoes
In front of the sink when I'm brushing my teeth. Walking around the house with a toothbrush in mouth kind of gives the same effect. It momentarily numbs my multi-tasking ability.


Brainsore: things I've given up trying to understand and don't want answers to
1. Why people Twitter when there's Facebook
2. The appeal of Twilight and Edward Cullen
3. Homophobia
4. Why I even bother with this

Twenty one and counting

I have always been in denial when my age ticks forward by another digit. I only celebrate my birthday because an excuse to party is always a good excuse - not because being another fucking year older calls for some sort of special celebration. Getting another year older means I have a year less to live. How's that ever a good thing?

My view of that is slowly changing as great new experiences unfold upon me though. As they say, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Here's a quick list I've compiled to remind myself I'm not getting any younger. (Not that I need reminding.)

1. You start hearing stories about friends/people you know of your age getting knocked up. Or worse, with a second or third child coming!

2. Your high school friends are telling you they have not seen you in YEARS. Or reminding you the last time you met them was a couple years ago. And the stories shared amongst you and your old time buddies are starting to start with, 'Do you remember ten years ago when...?'

3. Your friends start talking about MARRIAGE. Or people your age you know are starting to tie the knots. Or you get asked about your near-future plans for marriage. Frightening! Sorry people, give me ten more years.

4. Seeing someone in their late 20s or 30s no longer comes across as shocking or paedophilic.

5. You start realising a lot of things that your parents have told you is true all along. You'll never admit that though.

6. Non-fiction books suddenly become very, very appealing and you actually look forward to your weekly issues of The Economist.

7. When you have been single for a while, your mum gets concerned. And if you tell her you're meeting a guy, she'll assume he's a potential in-law. In fact, all the guys you know will seem like a potential in-law.

8. You throw a party with party blowers, glittery stickers and balloons not because it's cool but because it's hilarious!

Un autre jour sans toi

Would I be out of line if I said I miss you?

- Incubus; I Miss You

Matters of the heart

The train station breathes tension, rush and relief as the clock nears 5.00 p.m. There I was, caught in the centre of what seemed to me like a rush hour hurricane. Women in black leather heels, men deliciously dressed in suits and tired shoppers from a fruitful shopping spree all scampering their best down the escalators as the trains started to signal their departure. Why the rush? I wondered. The next train is a mere couple minutes away.

I sat on the floor just under the escalator as I waited for my next train to arrive. The one that just departed was not stopping at my intended stop. A good excuse to ponder and watch people I suppose. Five minutes to go. I started looking around me and wondered what was on everyone's mind. Are they looking forward to something splendid that awaits them after their stop? Do they have thoughts in their minds like mine to address? Are they thinking my very thought? It's difficult to judge. Everyone seems to blend very well together here. We are all just train passengers. All with nothing but intentions of going from point A to point B. Yet all with different matters of the heart.

Stop

[Slow down. Take a deep breath. Breathe easy now.]

For some strange reason, my list of things-to-do seems to be getting fatter by the day. (It must be telling me something.) Right. It seems like a chunk of my break has been snipped in order to accommodate the excessive bulge from my things-to-do list. Figuratively speaking of course. My break is still five weeks long. I guess it's not that bad.

Spill baby spill

The last thing we need now is more mention of the sinking of the Deepwater Horizon. The media is so saturated with the news that I do not think it bears repeating. Nevertheless, I am prompted to mention a few things on it as a few people have expressed their interest in my view (I suppose as a geologist-to-be) with regards to the devastating spill.

My sentiments are of the followings,

1. It is a shame it had to occur and I really hope it didn't have to happen. My sympathy extends to all the poor little sea dwellers and people who are affected.

2. Apparently, BP was being negligent. Take away lesson, never overlook risks especially the risks of deep sea drilling.

3. Due to one unfortunate incident, it does not mean drilling and exploration should be halted. For example, if a plane crashes, it doesn't mean people should stop flying. We just need to be more cautious next time. That's what lessons are for right?

4. We still need oil so we should not stop looking for it unless you fancy sky-rocketing oil prices (which will inflate the prices of everything else along with it - especially notorious in Malaysia).

5. That said, I believe humankind must wean their needs off oil and focus more on more sustainable forms of energy. Our dependency on oil is obscene considering there are other forms of energy which we can harness with far less environmental consequences and far better long-run cost efficiency (yes, even with available technology). But I guess people in general are too contented with what is present to be too bothered about change.

6. America's huge compensation demand from BP will not resolve a great deal of matter if it does not restrain its vicious hunger on conventional fuel. I am also highly sceptical about the management of the funds. Perhaps it's time for America to learn to do without their Hummers and downgrade to fuel-efficient mini cars. And instead of switching their energy consumption from coal to gas (as a very short cutsy effort to clean energy), they should look into more sustainable alternatives such as wind, solar or geothermal generation. Perhaps, it's time they set up a serious carbon reduction aim/agreement. Fellow Americans, you have a lot of catching up to do with your European counterparts (Think Britain, Germany, Italy, Norway).

7. So, while it's easy to point fingers at the oil industry, people should not overlook the fundamental drive of the problem. Each time you power your bloody fuel inefficient car or consume a petroleum-based product, you are the driving force of this oil boom problem. The oil industry is just happily providing the supply to fulfil the demands.

8. Finally, why do I plan to be in such an industry? It's because it gives me a great opportunity to learn and explore more of this world - of its geology, biodiversity and cultures. The energy industry has shed a great deal of light to geology over the past many decades and is still continuing to do so. So where you find geology, you'll find a geologist.

The Facebook revelation

My two-week Facebook hiatus leaves me with a few interesting observations.

Procrastination ftw
People spend way too much time on Facebook without really realising it. Facebook is an addiction and yes, like many others, I got pretty sucked into it. The first thing every other person does when they're connected to the net would be to check their account in a scurry, keeping eyes peeled for latest juicy updates. If time persists, stalk a friend or four.

During my Facebook diet, it became far more apparent to me. When I was at the library glancing through computer screens around me and when I was doing a group study with my friends, I constantly found myself thinking, 'Gees people, get off that shit already. You're wasting your life on it.' I never think I was capable of such (ahem, hypocritical) thoughts.

Time to unfriend
My Facebook profile is highly personal and private to me thus the idea of having friends who aren't exactly friends do not resonate very well. Why do I need 1000 people reading my random updates or cheeky wall posts from my cheeky friends and viewing my shameless drunk photos? Clearly, I don't.

So, every now and then, usually just when my number of friends is about to hit the 500 mark, I would execute a Facebook friend cull where I'd find myself painfully going through my list of friends and terminating as many 'friendships' as possible. Friendships with the inverted commas because these are of people I'm distantly related to, people I briefly know, people I no longer associate myself with and people I know but don't know well enough to be considered Facebook friends. Basically, just people who aren't quite friends to begin with.

Just before my Facebook fast, I managed to bring down the number of friends from roughly 490 to 430 - with much struggle, mind you. When I got back on, I realised, I don't even need half of those 430 people on my list. I was able to bring the figure down to 360 with minimal effort. Hoorah! I'd bring it down further but I think I shouldn't.

I thought we were friends?
And why I shouldn't bring the number down further is because deleting Facebook friends off can be a very sensitive matter. Plus, for old friends sake and the just-in-case-we'll-one-day-meet-again and the likes.

When I momentarily disappeared, a number of people thought they got deleted. No darlings, you did not (unless you were unfortunate enough to have been classified as a 'friend' then yes, you did. Otherwise, no, I don't see why I should delete you). Don't get too edgy even if I did. It is, afterall, just Facebook and it doesn't mean I'll stop talking to you even if we're no longer Facebook friends. I just want my fat personal space more than anything else.

Falling in and out
Facebook owes its success to its ability of keeping people connected. By connected, I mean really, really connected. It's an efficient yet lazy way of keeping tab on everyone without the phone call or email obligations. One word - revolutionary.

During my absence, it feels as though I have fallen out from the social network. And the changes, oh the changes! So many new photos, changes in relationship statuses, new upcoming events. None of which I was aware of. Blimey, was I gone for that long? I exchanged emails with my aunty briefly. She told me she suddenly felt so disconnected from me and said when she had me on Facebook, it felt as though I never left the country - so close to home yet so far. It's pretty bizarre what Facebook can do.

Right now, I'm just staying on for the sake of being able to contact friends whom I couldn't otherwise reach as conveniently through phone or MSN. At least I'm no longer profusely refreshing the Homepage like a mad person. I've successfully diverted most of my attention to doing something better, id est, reading something actual and not a bunch of unnecessary public service announcements. If you haven't already had a Facebook fast, I would highly recommend you to. It's rather invigorating.

X, Y, and Z

Random blurts.

1. Reading world news can be greatly depressing. However, Science always saves the day with news on new developments or discoveries.

2. I think some birds are really modern-day dinosaurs save they're now in the 21st century and people don't think of creatures of the 21st century as dinosaurs.

3. Whenever I'm taking the public transport, I secretly wish I would be in the position of giving my seat up to someone who deserves it more than I do (obese people excluded).

4. Mobile phones are astonishing. Nearly non-existent a generation ago, they're fucking everywhere now. I feel so greatly insecure and almost lost when I am without mine. Don't you?

5. Speaking of mobile phones, I just discovered Sony Ericsson's new range of phones that incorporates green innovation and the idea of sustainability under the trademark Greenheart. It's greatly endearing to me and I know what phone I should get next now.

6. I need to rethink some things about myself. Don't know exactly what yet.

7. When something bad happens, I discover asking myself what I have learnt suddenly makes the situation much more bearable knowing that there's at least some take away points and points for self-improvement. Not all is lost right?

8. I somehow have a feeling I'll never get married. I shall be the bridesmaid but never the bride. No particular reason why. Just a feeling.

9. I wonder how many sleepless nights do I put my mum through when I'm away from home like this.

10. I also wonder if I have mental *defects like ADHD. E.g. I have the habit of listening to a new song that I like on repeat (almost) all day long for the next 1-7 days. It would be surprising if my housemates do not think I'm retarded.

[Edit: It could also be OCD - obsessive-compulsive disorder]

* Very subjective use of word. I do not perceive mental conditions as negative or defective but I'm referring to my own brain here.

11. Bad dreams are far better than unrealistically good dreams.

12. How different would the world be like if no borders exist? Would it work?

[Edit: After much thought, I don't see how it's possible at all]

13. This break hasn't been doing my sleeping pattern a good favour. Eeks! I've been so excited about staying up and sleeping in, I forgot about fixing my sleep problems. Dear me, thanks for the reminder.

Blowing thought bubbles

...with the woes of assignments and exams behind me for a good several weeks. I can safely resume my daydreaming voyage where I shall ponder about things that make me ponder, ask myself questions that question me, and wonder about the wonders of possibilities. Oh yes baby.

Life

I was posed a question last night - What is the meaning of life? It's a difficult question to answer and my reply was nothing short of ambiguous. In other words, I was struck speechless. What exactly is the meaning of life? After much thought last night, I think I might have found an answer and one which I am fairly pleased with. (I sometimes wish I was a religious person because the answer would be too easy and divine - to serve God. However, to bluntly put, that is just laziness. God being the answer is simply not a reason good enough that I can conform to unless the God you believe in is the same as mine - Science and Mathematics or the Flying Spaghetti Monster.)

Life, as I see it, is an amazing continuous biological cycle. All living things grow with nourishment, live and only to eventually die. It is a beautiful simplicity that is intertwined with a vast complexity. We have come a long way since 4.6 billion years ago when planets accrue to form our solar system and when only several elements are present. No one really knows why or how life existed but some believe it occurred from a play in chemistry and through evolution over the past 3.5 billion years, here we are.

Humans diverged from apes some 4-8 million years ago which geologically, is a very recent event. It depends on how far back you wish to go, but I comfortably believe that us humans and all other living things are fundamentally the same. We are a product of evolution and we have all evolved to behave differently in ways that work best for us. We seem to like believing we are a far higher class of organism on this planet due to our ability of higher intelligence. That is undoubtedly true but I also believe that take is a little too skewed and other lifeforms do deserve more credit. We have a penchant for underestimating the complexity and beauty of other lifeforms.

I have always felt the human existence on this planet is comparable to those of ants, just in a totally different scale. Most people would disagree with me but I don't see why they should. On a human scale, ants are like specks of sand but on a global or universal scale, we are just as tiny as ants. I shall make a quote from Wikipedia about them - 'Ants thrive in most ecosystems, and may form 15–25% of the terrestrial animal biomass. Their success has been attributed to their social organisation and their ability to modify habitats, tap resources, and defend themselves. Ant societies have division of labour, communication between individuals, and an ability to solve complex problems'. Does that spark any familiarity? We share more similarities than we tend to imagine. It is this that made me deduce what our life is about (read on).

I have come to terms that there is no 'deeper' meaning to life. We are just here because we are. Just like how the trees and birds that live amongst us are here. We work hard, strive to make a living and thrive in a society because we have been wired to function this way just like how ants were made to work the way they do. And if you were to step on an ant, its life would just end there and then. Nothing more, nothing less. If I die tomorrow, then I die. It will be no different to the ants death as it is just death. And when a baby is born, a new cycle is created. One that will have a road of triumph and tribulation ahead of it until it eventually finds its way back to Earth to complete another cycle of life. We do not need to analyse further what life is because it is there, all around us. Life is a dynamic system - it comes, it goes, it changes.

So, what life truly is to me is actually a wondrous celebration of evolution and diversity. And it is evident - no two living things are the same. We are all different and special in various ways and yet still so similar in just as many ways. What's a better way to celebrate evolutionary diversity than to embrace it. So while I am here (with little choice about my existence and I don't intend to die just yet), why don't I maximise what I have. To celebrate diversity would be to accept all that surrounds us and to make the best of what we have been given - accept and embrace the differences in people and all other living things that make everyday interesting, continuously make forward progresses/improvements with our intelligence that has brought us to this modern age, and live for the moment through the sharing of joys of love and laughter that forms our most primordial instincts.

Time to count sheep

My idiopathic insomnia has paced forward to becoming slightly more well-informed. I am actually being kept awake by the explosion of bold, staggering thoughts in my head instead of the regular, frustrating blank. It's an interesting change and I wish I could be kept up all night by this myriad of thoughts without having to worry about the need of getting sufficient sleep before my next and final exam paper for the semester that is in the early morning. I guess it's time to start counting sheep.

Here or their?

With regards to my previous entry, I'd like to add a conclusion that I have drawn from my nerdy off-hour sessions on campus that I have missed out.

Each time my head suffers a geographic confusion, I become convinced that a place is not defined by its location on a map but by its demography. I feel like I'm in Australia because of its diverse and multicultural population more so than its sand, climate or kangaroos. The opposite is true when I am in the library or computer lab at 9pm or when I find myself at the Business end of the campus when the multicultural population takes a dramatic shift towards homogeneity. I suddenly feel displaced, confused and wtf - Am I fucking in Asia or Australia? It's hard to distinguish. If I had no memory of landing in a different continent, I'd absolutely be convinced I am somewhere in China, Malaysia, Indonesia or Mauritius, depending on the crowd.

To paint a clearer scenario, just picture this: Place yourself with fifty Chinamen in an empty room in Uruguay. Would you think you're in Uruguay? Highly unlikely. With your ears being drummed by the heavy Chinese accent and your eyes being flooded with the sight of stubby men with slick black hair combed to the side (with the occasional bald patch), you're more likely think you're in somewhere oriental. Place yourself with fifty Soviets in an empty room in Mumbai, you wouldn't think you're in Mumbai either. My definition of what defines a place certainly bears an oversimplification. There is no doubt that a blend of culture, art, language, architecture, ecology and geology is needed to make a place distinctively what it is. Nonetheless, a large part of it is still sculpted by who inhabits or dominates where.

/mode junebug +n

Everyone's engaged in full-on study mode as the final exams draw closer. I can't say the same for myself but I did find myself on the 6th floor of Robertson Library today, stationed by a tiny corner with a desk just large enough for my notes and pen to scatter on. I was buzzed with a strange sensation - Hello June, you're operating on autopilot wtf. I had no intentions to study today but before I knew it, I was packing my things up, making my way to the library and studying. Usually I'd make plans to study beforehand so I could decide if I should study at all and if I should, what, where and how much should I study. But not today.

And as I sat in my little corner, I realised it was actually my first time being in the Robertson Library on my own. A vivid flashback quickly came to mind. I started dreaming of my high school days where I'd drive for half an hour to the Sarawak State Library. It's one of my fondest places in Kuching. The study area is vast and illuminated by natural lighting that pours generously in from the huge glass windows. The huge windows reveal a pretty lake (albeit an artificial one) and lush green lawns. My parents never really understood why I'd drive such a distance just to study. I remember skipping school to be there alone or with some friends - I justified I learned more there than in school. I always loved starring out the window into the distance to daydream and to allow all the substances I injected in to settle for a little bit. A stroll around the lake in the evening was always too pleasing and refreshing.

It just hit me how badly I miss that library. Alas, my little library corner here is nothing as amazing as what my little library corner would have been if it was in the state library. How I longed for the drab wall on my left to be the window that overlooks pretty hues of blue and green.

I also find myself disliking the study environment in Curtin during off hours. I always felt like I was blending in too well with the majority. Excuse me but the Junebug does not like to belong to the majority. I am fucking surrounded by Asians and more Asians. It's not like I have anything against my own people but being surrounded by my own people when I'm in a supposedly foreign land can be absurd. My head gets confused and disoriented. It's almost like I actually got teleported back to Malaysia. 'Wait a minute? Am I back in Swinburne Sarawak?' as I see groups of Malaysians piling together and chattering in the all too familiar Malaysian English. The lack of familiar faces assured me I was still in Australia but the overwhelming presence of coloured people creates too much room for doubt.

* +n = nerd.
Nerd makes me think of inert and inert makes me think of impotence. Hmm.

21 candles

So, I am now officially 21. Age is a puzzling thing. If you didn't grow up being told how old you are, would you actually have a clue about your exact age? I wouldn't think so. I always wonder if I'm really my age. Sometimes I think I am, sometimes I think I'm not but then again, there isn't a specific parameter to how someone should be or act when they're of a certain age. There's a lot that I want from myself and amidst all the seriousness, I've been trying to remind myself to do things that I can while I'm still young - have fun, get loose, be silly. I'm not getting any younger and time is precious. Instead of putting all my focus on the future, I remind myself to not forget about the present.

I didn't exactly celebrate my birthday this year. I think I am outgrowing the birthday cakes, happy birthday songs and presents. Funny that it seems inconceivable to many that I chose not to throw a party or have a huge 21st thing. Turning 21 does indeed seem like a huge milestone. When I was much younger, I always wondered if I'd live past high school or get into university. However, I couldn't see the point to why I should have a huge massive party when I'd be just as happy waking up to a beautiful blue sky, being surrounded by the presence of some of my most favourite people and finding the biggest joy in the littlest things in life. I already feel blessed in more ways than I can describe.

Sweet glory

I cannot find the right words to express just how happy I am to be done with this semester. It has been a rough ride and it has challenged me well. I still have my final exams but the worst is already over. Things can only get better from here! I could not stop myself from smiling when I walked home from uni today. I was flooded with the greatest sense of relief and liberation. Unbelievable.

The clock keeps ticking

Where would you be in the decades to come?

Redefinitioπ

My brain is undergoing a refreshing overhaul. The recent acquaintanceship with a particular person is quickly becoming a turning point of my life. The endless exchanging of life stories and ideals have left thoughts and ideas sprouting in every imaginable corner of my mind. It has been blissfully reinvigorating, stimulating and inspiring. I can't be more delighted. My perspective is taking a bizarre twist as my mind opens up to a completely new dimension.

Lost in my train of thought

Thoughts stream in my head like water streaming down my bare skin. Wild, lucid and comforting.

The time has come

The looming grey clouds are finally here. They shall keep marching through the once blue sky for the weeks and months to come with a presence graced with silvery sheets of rain and strong hustling wind. The air now feels damp and crisp in my lungs and heavy against my cheeks. Ahh, I have almost forgotten how Perth's winter feels like.

There is this reconciliation of love and hate churning within me. I am deeply in love with the rhythmic pitter-patters of little rain droplets and harmonic sways of the tall trees outside my bedroom window. It fondly reminds me of Februaries in Kuching where it pisses torrentially every second of the day. Being indoors all day, snuggled up in bed with a good read and hot cup of tea is all that is needed to make a day perfect. Unfortunately, the luxury of hiding indoors gets rendered non-existent when you have a busy schedule to keep up to. My intention for a productive day has just made a 180 degrees flop. Thank you, Mr. Weather. I am in utter contempt and my longing for the ability to teleport has never been this urgent.

Heartstrings

The beats are taking little joyful leaps.

The insomniac

- Image from Postsecret

Looks like it's all coming back to me again. I did fuck all today until I realised my weekend is too precious to be wasted on doing nothing. As a result, I am still up at 5.15 am attempting to finish going through as many of my mineralogy lectures as possible. Who am I kidding? What the hell are you thinking June? Trying to remember about orthosilicates, pyroxene chain structures, and various crystal symmetry and polymorphs at this time of the day when I should seriously be in bed?

The photo above is from last Sunday's Postsecret update and it sends a very peculiar message to me. I better hit the reverse gear before my inner insomniac infuriates and gets the best of me. I've been able to keep it tame for a good half of this year so I really shouldn't be distorting my sleeping pattern. The last thing I need now is more painful sleepless nights. Yet at the same time, I like staying up late. I like pushing the limit of my brain in such manner and I'd choose to not sleep at all if I can. Of course, until the blow hits and comes the regret.

The beautiful exit

On days when I am most worn, I dream of coming home to my room where I will kick my shoes off as I enter and collapse straight into my bed. Face down and arms sprawled on the sides, I heave a deep sigh of relief as I feel the comforting embrace of my soft sheets against my skin. With my eyes shut tight and breaths mellowing into delicate deep rhythms, my soul starts venturing into an infinite yet strangely familiar darkness. A darkness where it is just darkness alone. Thoughtless. Dreamless. Painless. And very slowly, my soul sets adrift from my body. It vanishes little by little into the darkness. My eyes are still shut, but my breath is losing frequency. And just then, the frequency dies. My weary soul has left the room. At that very moment, I am finally free.

All the universe conspires

"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky. "Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams."

- Paulo Coelho; The Alchemist

My brain is the planet

- A comparison between the Junebug's brain and the Earth

Here's an usual insight into my brain. I get described as intelligent, brainy, smart and the likes fairly often. To be honest, I sometimes think that 'intelligence' is a mere façade. I am not as smart as most people would think. I have to work hard for decent grades and I need ultimate concentration when reading journals or serious news reports. I grasp absolutely nothing when I try to understand quantum physics and when it comes to working difficult bits of calculus, I just remember the steps more so than trying to understand it. At least it got me through vector calculus (But ask me again now, I can't even tell you what dot product is. Epic fail.)

You'll be disappointed by how empty my head actually is. My brain is always on idle. When it isn't on idle, it is just day dreaming. I don't think a lot unless my nervous system gets provoked. The bits of substance and personality you see in me is really just the little bits floating on my brain, like the way the crust floats on the earth (which accounts for <1.00% of the earth's volume). If you ever find me shallow and absent-minded, that's exactly the reason why. Some would call it stupidity or retardedness but I'll let you decide on that one.

Beneath that, is a huge void where, well, basically where all the void is. No thoughts or feelings are transmitted in this region. It's probably all just brain juice, fluid, squishy things that flow to keep the brain functioning like how the mantle (85% of earth's volume) keeps the earth dynamic. Referring to the figure above, let us consider the outer core as part of the mantle too. I've yet again mislabelled my drawing and this exactly why I would have failed as an engineer. (And if I am going to fail as a geologist, I think I can consider art school LOL - tell me my mouse-drawn and coloured illustration is pretty please.)

Drill me deep down enough, you'll hit a pot of brain concentrate. However, to extract it, you will require mighty effort. But if all you get is just solid iron-nickel and nothing else, what's the value in that? Actually, what I'm really thinking is, trying to drill into the inner core of my brain would be like drilling down a seafloor of basalt. It will be a fruitless effort. But maybe, if you're lucky enough, you might be drilling on a reservoir seal instead of 100km of pure basalt where you might get some oil. Very crude oil.

That basically sums up the mechanics of my brain and I can't express just how amused I have been over it. My brain's relation to the planet has been swimming in my head for quite sometime now. Damn geologists.

Oral fixation

A hot random poked me on Facebook. I showed his profile to Aishah through MSN and her response was, "Hot, like totally lickable. Totally your type June." I could only LOL because I know exactly what she was implying. My friends, including I myself, have just discovered that I have a need for an oral fixation. It all became evident after my recent pole licking activity when I was tipsy. My photos of last Wednesday is proof. I had my tongue sticking out in a fair number of them and yes, including me licking the damn lamp post. I rarely, if ever, stick my tongue out in photographs but I don't actually have to be drunk to be licking something or doing something orally related (please don't think of oral sex as I say this).

I enjoy sticking stationeries in my mouth - the end of a pen or highlighter, a plastic ruler or protractor, the edge of my calculator, loose staples, basically anything but erasers. I'll be sucking on a spoon if I have one inside my empty mug or I could also chewing on my water bottle cap when I am bored. So before you borrow or lend anything to me, think twice sometimes. I've unconsciously stuck someone else's pencil into my mouth one too many times (and later returning it without letting them know LOL). According to Aishah, I am stuck in what is known as a Freud Oral Phase. Puzzled by what the hell that is, I consulted Google. The returned results were shocking and at the same time, too hilarious.

"An oral fixation is a fixation in the oral stage of development manifested by an obsession with stimulating the mouth first described by Sigmund Freud, who thought infants are naturally and adaptively in an oral stage, but if weaned too early or too late, may fail to resolve the conflicts of this stage and develop a maladaptive oral fixation. In later life, these people may constantly "hunger" for activities involving the mouth.

A child who is not fed enough (neglected) or is fed too much (over-protected) may become orally fixated as an adult. It is believed that fixation in the oral stage may have one of two effects. If the child was underfed or neglected, he/she may become orally dependent and obsessed with achieving the oral stimulation of which he was deprived, learning to manipulate others to fulfill his needs rather than maturing to independence. This child may grow up to become fixated with giving oral sex to other people regardless of gender and sexual preferences. The overly indulged child may resist growing up and try to return to that state of dependency through crying, acting helpless, demanding satisfaction, and being "needy."

Oral fixations are considered to contribute to over-eating, being overly talkative, smoking addictions, overindulging in sugar, chewing on straws and toothpicks, and even alcoholism (known as "oral dependent" qualities). Other symptoms include a sarcastic or "biting" personality (known as "oral sadistic" qualities). Another indicator is constant nail biting, putting fingers in the mouth as well as biting any future sexual partners they may have. The Freudian oral stage of development is not necessarily in conflict with evidence across the mammalian spectrum that body part sucking, including thumbsucking or the sucking of body parts of adjacent animals, and is associated with maternal deprivation or premature weaning in the exterior gestational period."

- Oral Stage of the Psychosexual Development; Wikipedia.

WTF. That said, I'm rather pleased to be stuck in the Oral phase because the Anal, Phallic, Latency or Genital stages don't sound any better. And for your sake, I hope you're not stuck in the Latency or Genital stage because then, you'll be a very, very sexually unfulfilled person and I won't have enough sympathy for you LOL.

Girls just want to have fun

- Wicked Wednesdays at the Curtin Tavern

I fall helplessly in love with these girls over and over again. I can't get over how things have changed so drastically since the fieldtrip. I was in a huge emotional dip just before that but everything has picked up so well since (I'm picturing a happy parabolic curve as I say this LOL). I suppose when something good doesn't happen when you want it to, it only makes room for something way better. My stay in Perth is once again bearable.

We have grown so close to each other it's almost as if we've known each other for ages when it has only been a little over a semester. Unlike my other friends where I usually restrain bits of myself from, I'm in my fullest element with these girls. I have nothing to hide and I have nothing to fear. We share the same easy going attitude, love for shopping and ambition to be successful geologists. I just love how we're such a cute mix of Asians. Aishah's Malay, Yasinta's Indonesian, Nishma's Indian and I'm Chinese. It really can't get any better than this!

Blissful afternoons

Frankly, I'd much rather be reading something else like The Economist newspaper, National Geographic magazine or one of those erotic novels from Percy I have yet to read instead of my Applied Sedimentology textbook. But it will have to do for now. The warm sunshine paired with the cool autumn breeze makes everything easily forgivable including my hectic uni days. I'm going to miss this dearly when the heavy winter clouds roll in.

Ou pas du tout?

Menanti kepastian

- Cottesloe Beach, WA

Ku ingin berlari sampai tak nikmati dunia.

The perfectionist

The need for perfection is sometimes the most imperfect flaw.

Good morning

Is this for real? like really, really? I have been getting up at 7 or 8am voluntarily for the past one month or so. Turn back time to a year ago, if you were to tell me to get up at 11am, I will quite certainly tell you to fuck off because I won't get up until 2 unless it's for a truly important matter. And even if I was ever up at 7am, chances are, I haven't gone to bed.

It's very unpeculiar of me to be up this early especially when I don't have to be up this early at all. My senses are a bit baffled from the early rise. It's something I'm still not accustomed to but I'm actually starting to like being up this early. My days feel so much longer. Perhaps deep inside, I'm a morning person.

Wormy

Technicolour hallucinations

I swear get high from optical mineralogy (especially under crossed polarised light together with a gypsum plate).

You so gotta love the sick interference colours!

Now, can someone please tell me how is Geology ever boring?